Here's the deal. I ask that you do, or say, nothing and please don't devalue my feelings--these things are truly weighting heavy on me right now. Just know that, although this is where I am at right now, it will pass and I will be fine.
The burden that I carry this morning is my inability to get ahead financially. It's always one step forward, two steps back; but somehow, everything manages to work out in the end and the trend is always moving onward and upward with a few setbacks sprinkled in.
I really have nothing to complain about:
- I have a decent home with decent furniture.
- I have a decent job that pays the bills.
- I drive a decent car.
- I wear decent clothes.
- There is always food to eat and the bills are always paid on time.
- I have A/C in the summer and heat during the winter.
- I have my health.
- I have an amazing wife and family.
- I can afford a few luxuries in life like wine and cigars.
- Every couple of years I can afford to go on an inexpensive vacation.
My frustration lies when something happens that wipes out what I've tried so hard to establish. To give you an example, I have worked and sacrificed over the past six to twelve months to build up our savings account. In one fail swoop, we emptied all but $50 of our savings to pay our income taxes. This ALWAYS happens ... medical bills ... car repairs ... home repairs ... taxes ... the rug gets pulled out from under us and we find ourselves back at square one again.
To aggravate even more, sometimes we are given a gift, or receive a small windfall for whatever reason, and just when we think we have our feet on the ground, something else happens and takes that money too. Recently, both my wife and I received raises from our employers in the same week. Less than five days passed when we were informed that our house payment was going up significantly ... by almost the exact amount that our increase was. It's like we are destined to live from paycheck to paycheck, never being able to financially plan for the future or gain any type of financial footing.
I should be thankful that I have the money to take care of these things, and, in a matter of speaking, I am, but it is so discouraging!
Then my mind wanders
and I begin to wonder
what I've done in this life
to deserve such frustration.
Is money the answer? Or does the issue lie in my lack of contentment and satisfaction for the things that I've been blessed with?
I'm going to say it is the later of the two. If I don't get this resolved soon, I will spend the rest of my life chasing after empty dreams, only to find myself at the end of life having accomplished nothing of real worth.
How do I change this mindset? This is the question I am trying to answer today.
.: SELAH :.
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